Our Daughter
We've been home three weeks now and have been family almost five. Emmy is doing great. She is adjusting beautifully to her new home, new country, new family. She is sleeping through the night and eating everything in sight. She is starting to play and explore every chance she gets.
We are still getting over the hump with sicknesses, hers and ours. It seems there is a cold and stomach bug that is only going to leave our house with an exorcism. Emmy has gained a whole pound in just two weeks! She actually has a little belly now and her legs are starting look like a Gerber-baby's.
Her personality is blossoming. We are learning so much about her. I feel fairly certain that parent-teacher conferences are in our future! She is still as willful as she was in China. The only difference is some of what I attributed to "adjusting" last week, I am now attributing to being a baby. That's probably one of the greatest challenges right now, figuring out what is potentially a moment of fear, grief or trauma from all the changes she's gone through, and what is a moment of "I like getting my way better than not getting my way".
She definitely has moments that seem like pure sadness. And there are times when her crying feels "large". It's hard to explain but she'll have a look of desperation. We hold her and kiss her and talk to her and the moment passes.
She is being loved and adored by so many. She has aunts who are obsessively in love with her. Grandparents who adore her and think she can do no wrong. She has cousins to play with. She has friends who bring Dave and I dinner just so they can see her. She has two dogs who think she's great (one simply because Emmy drops food on the floor, but the admiration is there).
Dave and Emmy got over the jetlag fairly painlessly and they both are slumbering away as I type. Me, on the other hand, I cannot seem sleep when the moon is out. I have never been a great sleeper but I am really having a hard time adjusting. I have been blaming the jetlag but maybe this is motherhood. Laying awake at night worrying, planning the next day, processing all this change.
Some of things I think about:
What outfit should she wear when we go to the mall tomorrow?
Do I need to start packing extra snacks and fewer diapers in the diaper bag?
Do I need to check and make sure she is still breathing?
Is she getting enough vegetables?
How many Gerber Puffs is too many Gerber Puffs?
When she babbles is she saying something in Chinese that we don't understand?
Can I attach Grab-Its to her knees so that she cleans the floor as she crawls around?
Are we teaching her "Please" and "Thank you" and counting enough?
Will I ever get to the point where I can leave her and not cry?
Will Dave and I ever lose the "tones" in our voices when "discussing" the best way to suction out her boogers?
Will I always be so tired, so scared and so overwhelmed?
Is it okay to miss her when she's sleeping but count the minutes till her bedtime?
This parenthood thing is really tiring. I've gone out with my shirt on inside out. I perpetually have dried baby food on all my pants. Dave has put her to bed without putting her PJs on her and left the keys in the door all night. We're just happy to remember her when we leave the house, let alone remember the 47- essential items that seem necessary to raise a one year old.
Speaking of being one, Emmy had her first birthday last week. We toyed with the idea of not doing anything because she's too young to remember it anyway. But we decided we couldn't live with the guilt of having birthday pictures for every year but her first birthday. So we cleaned ONE floor of our house and had family over. It was a wonderful, happy day.
I thought so much about her birth mother on her birthday. In so many ways, Emmy's birthday is her day. Whoever she is, that is the day she brought my daughter into the world. Gotcha Day is our day, but on birthdays I want to think about her birth mom and give her my thanks and gratitude for giving life to Emmy.
There are so many feelings about being a parent, finally having a baby, the adoption journey, our trip to China, and being home that I could never sum up on a web page. But the main thing I know is that Emmy is our daughter. I know it the depth of my bones and furthest reaches of my heart. It is amazing that the CCAA matched us with a child so compatible to our personalities. But it goes way beyond that. It is so clear now. Our child was born in China. It seems so obvious now. I wouldn't change one negative pregnancy test, one moment of our paperchase or one day of our wait. Because changing any of it would mean that we wouldn't have Emmy.
It's so clear to me that I wonder why didn't go to China sooner. Why we didn't just wake up one day and know that we weren't suppose to get pregnant, that we were supposed to adopt a baby from China. Of course the answer is that it wasn't time yet. During our wait for a referral I heard a million times that our baby wasn't ready yet, that we'd get the child we were supposed to get. That seemed like such a pointless thing to say to a woman that had tried for five years to have a baby and then had already waited months and months to adopt. But it was the truth. Now, don't get me wrong - anyone going through this isn't supposed to understand that (some say they do but I don't believe them!). All of the doubt and confusion was part of the process.
We love Emmy so much that I can't even imaging how much we'll love her a year from now, a month from now, even tomorrow. Because love is not stagnate and bonding to a child you've only known for five weeks is a process. As hard as these five weeks have been, I know that they are just a drop in the proverbial bucket of parenthood. I'm just grateful that I get to carry that bucket around with Dave and Emmy.
We are still getting over the hump with sicknesses, hers and ours. It seems there is a cold and stomach bug that is only going to leave our house with an exorcism. Emmy has gained a whole pound in just two weeks! She actually has a little belly now and her legs are starting look like a Gerber-baby's.
Her personality is blossoming. We are learning so much about her. I feel fairly certain that parent-teacher conferences are in our future! She is still as willful as she was in China. The only difference is some of what I attributed to "adjusting" last week, I am now attributing to being a baby. That's probably one of the greatest challenges right now, figuring out what is potentially a moment of fear, grief or trauma from all the changes she's gone through, and what is a moment of "I like getting my way better than not getting my way".
She definitely has moments that seem like pure sadness. And there are times when her crying feels "large". It's hard to explain but she'll have a look of desperation. We hold her and kiss her and talk to her and the moment passes.
She is being loved and adored by so many. She has aunts who are obsessively in love with her. Grandparents who adore her and think she can do no wrong. She has cousins to play with. She has friends who bring Dave and I dinner just so they can see her. She has two dogs who think she's great (one simply because Emmy drops food on the floor, but the admiration is there).
Dave and Emmy got over the jetlag fairly painlessly and they both are slumbering away as I type. Me, on the other hand, I cannot seem sleep when the moon is out. I have never been a great sleeper but I am really having a hard time adjusting. I have been blaming the jetlag but maybe this is motherhood. Laying awake at night worrying, planning the next day, processing all this change.
Some of things I think about:
What outfit should she wear when we go to the mall tomorrow?
Do I need to start packing extra snacks and fewer diapers in the diaper bag?
Do I need to check and make sure she is still breathing?
Is she getting enough vegetables?
How many Gerber Puffs is too many Gerber Puffs?
When she babbles is she saying something in Chinese that we don't understand?
Can I attach Grab-Its to her knees so that she cleans the floor as she crawls around?
Are we teaching her "Please" and "Thank you" and counting enough?
Will I ever get to the point where I can leave her and not cry?
Will Dave and I ever lose the "tones" in our voices when "discussing" the best way to suction out her boogers?
Will I always be so tired, so scared and so overwhelmed?
Is it okay to miss her when she's sleeping but count the minutes till her bedtime?
This parenthood thing is really tiring. I've gone out with my shirt on inside out. I perpetually have dried baby food on all my pants. Dave has put her to bed without putting her PJs on her and left the keys in the door all night. We're just happy to remember her when we leave the house, let alone remember the 47- essential items that seem necessary to raise a one year old.
Speaking of being one, Emmy had her first birthday last week. We toyed with the idea of not doing anything because she's too young to remember it anyway. But we decided we couldn't live with the guilt of having birthday pictures for every year but her first birthday. So we cleaned ONE floor of our house and had family over. It was a wonderful, happy day.
I thought so much about her birth mother on her birthday. In so many ways, Emmy's birthday is her day. Whoever she is, that is the day she brought my daughter into the world. Gotcha Day is our day, but on birthdays I want to think about her birth mom and give her my thanks and gratitude for giving life to Emmy.
There are so many feelings about being a parent, finally having a baby, the adoption journey, our trip to China, and being home that I could never sum up on a web page. But the main thing I know is that Emmy is our daughter. I know it the depth of my bones and furthest reaches of my heart. It is amazing that the CCAA matched us with a child so compatible to our personalities. But it goes way beyond that. It is so clear now. Our child was born in China. It seems so obvious now. I wouldn't change one negative pregnancy test, one moment of our paperchase or one day of our wait. Because changing any of it would mean that we wouldn't have Emmy.
It's so clear to me that I wonder why didn't go to China sooner. Why we didn't just wake up one day and know that we weren't suppose to get pregnant, that we were supposed to adopt a baby from China. Of course the answer is that it wasn't time yet. During our wait for a referral I heard a million times that our baby wasn't ready yet, that we'd get the child we were supposed to get. That seemed like such a pointless thing to say to a woman that had tried for five years to have a baby and then had already waited months and months to adopt. But it was the truth. Now, don't get me wrong - anyone going through this isn't supposed to understand that (some say they do but I don't believe them!). All of the doubt and confusion was part of the process.
We love Emmy so much that I can't even imaging how much we'll love her a year from now, a month from now, even tomorrow. Because love is not stagnate and bonding to a child you've only known for five weeks is a process. As hard as these five weeks have been, I know that they are just a drop in the proverbial bucket of parenthood. I'm just grateful that I get to carry that bucket around with Dave and Emmy.
posted by Lisa & Dave | 1:38 AM
4 Comments:
Dave and Lisa,
You all are doing a great job at being parents. It seems so natural to have Emmy around, just like you said, she was meant to be here, she was meant for you two. Her personality fits in with all of us, moody, happy, hungary. I am so glad that she likes to be held by people she doesn't know too well, if she didn't there would be a lot of sad people in Louisville. She is a friendly little girl who definitely brings a smile to our hearts, eyes, and mouth. Ralph and I talk of her often. One pound in two weeks says a lot for comfort. Obviously she feels at home. She is absolutely beautiful. I'm pretty sure she likes me best, okay well not like the "best" that would be you and Dave, then grandparents (which she has quite a few) and aunts, uncles, cousins, but then me (of course Nancy will say it's her). I feel I'm in the top 25 list anyway and that works for me. At least I can say, she has taken some of her first steps to me while I sit on the floor and play with her, see that proves my point. She also likes when I walk her around although she doesn't realize that is hard on an old back but it won't stop me. As for parenthood, it is the hardest job you'll ever love. Each part is better than the next because it is so special to watch how they become themselves, their personalities, the weird things that make them unique. We love having her here and being a part of her life. We love you all, Teri and Ralph.
Dave and Lisa,
I second everything that Teri said, (except the part about her being Emmy's favorite, we know who that really is!) She says it so eloquently! You all are great parents! Emmy is a lucky little girl. It might take her a few years to realize it though. Hey, most of mine think we're terrible parents, so what the heck! You do your best with what you have to work with! You all have a lot of good things to work with so things will turn out just fine. I am so grateful that we get to share in her growing up years. You know they say, "it takes a village to raise a child...". I'm glad we're part of your village! Love, Nancy and Joe
Lisa,
I laughed hysterically at the questions and things you worry about at night! David had to come make sure I didn't fall off my chair! The funny thing is I do the same thing!
Becky
Dearest Lisa and Dave, What a blessing from God!!!!! This China Doll should be a movie star!!! I hear about her "very often" from Grandmother Linda, I feel so blessed to be able to share this joy with you all. I can't wait to meet her, that will be a day to remember. Merry Christmas, I love you!!!! Carol AKA Lady Bug
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